I Want This...I shall Have it!

I'm going to miss the book tour Suzanne Collins is doing in MN because I have to work. I know right - me? Work? Yeah well I got a job for the weekend helping at a Home Owners Showcase and I really need to money for Christmas so - the work is more important then the book tour....

In a complete sign from God The Hob, offered this contest to win a signed copy of Mockingjay. I would cherish it and love it and call it Jay Jay forever and ever :0) I can just see it on my book shelf right now, a shining beacon of true love for my Hunger Games series.

All I can do is enter, and hope!

The Hob Mockingjay Book Tour Contest

Isn't it PRETTY!!!!??? Just look at it up there at the top of the blog - when you look at it don't you just know it belongs to me!!!

Remembering 30 - The Dawn-Vasion

Before I can really tell you the Dawn-Vasion story I have to tell you another one. Don't worry, it's quick(ish) so cuddle up with a blanket and some cocoa and listen as we take a trip way, way back to 1994 when I was 14....

I couldn't freaking stand Dawn when I met her. She shaved her legs with no soap or water, who did this!? Oh and she never once got razor burn. That just flat out pissed me off! She was like the little sister that followed you around wanting to be apart of everything who you couldn't shake. But I had to be polite, as we were on a church trip, traveling through Europe to Russia and back and weather I liked the only girl younger then me on the trip or not, I was stuck with her for the next 2 months.

I grew to like her after a few weeks. 24 hour bus rides with nothing to do but chat will do that too you, even when there are 48 other people on the bus with you. She had a lot in common with me - neither of us were supposed to be on the trip...we weren't the 16 year old age requirement, but it's called money and that's how we got to where were. When I got home I even missed her. A little.

About 3 years ago I started to hunt down the people I went on this trip with. Not in a sniper riffle sort of way, in the "Hey how have you been" e-mail kind of way. But since all I had was address from 1994 and most had moved, or married and changed names - I turned to the only place I knew fit to search for people = Facebook.

And there I found her, or wait....did she find me? We bonded over a comment about pink duct tape - no terrible pun intended. And I realized adult Amber and Dawn have EVEN more in common then "Our parents hate us, under 16 Amber and Dawn". Bad relationships, Baby Daddies, you name it we had matching everything!

And that settled it - she booked ticket to Minnesota for a reunion 15 years in the making! I was so excited when I picked her up I scratched my husbands new car parking it. I arrived like an hour early then counted every second as it went by until she came down the corridor. Cue bags dropping, full speed running and high pitched screaming! Jump and hug! The people around us looked at us like we were nuts...it's AN AIRPORT, this happens all the time there! It's not like this happened at a funeral or something....because that would be weird!

We spent the next 3 days watching Remember Me, getting drunk, having a huge party to celebrate her arrival. She cooked - hey don't give me that look, A: She offered, and B: remember when I said I wasn't a great cook before...yea...so shut it! She made Dawn-Tacos, Dawn-Tinis and Cake Balls....beast meal ever! We called her trip The Dawn-Vasion.

She went home too soon and then we began planning my trip to LA to see her in June.....Best Friends forever. She's stuck with me now....weather she likes it or not!

Mommy, What's A Hooker?

This morning, while sitting in the car waiting for the nice school lady to come around and let Paige out of the car for drop off, we were listening to K102. A normal choice in our family, when the iPod isn't on I choose this because in general it's more kid friendly then KDWB - who the hell knows what's going to come flying out of their mouths on that station in the morning, and the last thing I need is for my daughter to go to 1st grade talking about "shaky things" (KDWB's code word for vibrators..) Or whipping out words to Ke$ha during recess (yes, I used the dollar sign....don't judge me.)

So, anyway Toby Keith was playing quietly in the back ground, "I Love This Bar" to be exact. For those of you unfamiliar with the song, it talks about the different types of people you might meet in a bar. Harmless enough really. The second part of the song begins......

"We've got short skirts, I've seen high techs. Blue collar boys and rednecks"

Paige and I are still talking... something in my brain is warning me that maybe I should turn the radio off, but lack of coffee is getting in the way of my fully processing this request. So I ignore it. Song continues:

"And we got lovers, lots of lookers, I've even seen dancing girls and hookers"

(so much for this station being more kid friendly today!)

Shit.

Mentally I begin to kick myself. About the exact second I remember that word was coming, I also realized it was way to late to change the station before Paige heard it.

I start to rationalize in my head.....Maybe she missed it, we were talking. The radio was pretty quiet. Plus it's not like it's a word she knows, just one I don't want her to know. Okay, be cool mom. If you act like it was a big deal she'll think it was a big deal.

The car goes silent, and then it happens.

Paige: "Uncle Cory is a Hooker"

*trying to cover up a laugh, as Uncle Cory is the furthest thing from a hooker there is. Plus can guys even be hookers?*

Mom: I'm sorry, what? (being sure not to look at her so she can't see the smile I'm fighting with every nerve in my face)

Paige: Yea, we were fishing once and he got a hook in my thumb (sticks thumb in my face) see, mom right there you can still see the little white spot where it was. So he's a total hooker"

*At this point I deserve a freaking EMMY for not busting out into uncontrollable laughter. My kid just used the phrase "total hooker" for cryuing out loud*

Mom: Ohhhh. I see, yeah I remember that.

(At this point I have let the hooker word go. I figure since that's what she thinks it means, I'm going to let her think it. It can't do any harm she's not going to tell any one at school right?)

Paige: I can't wait to tell my friends that my Uncle is a hooker! *huge smile on her face, as if she knows..."

Double Shit.

I quickly turn around and look her in the face, and say "Paige, hooker doesn't mean someone who hooked your thumb. So we shouldn't tell the kids at school Uncle Cory is one." I'm totally grasping at straws at this point, I am not prepared to explain this. She may have just as well asked me where babies come from.

Paige: Oh? Well what does it mean then?"

Mom: It's just a grown up word that kids shouldn't use and if you do use it you will get in trouble, especially at school so forget you heard it today ok?

This seemed to tide her over. Normally it being a "grown up" thing is enough to scare her off it. However I will not be surprised if I get an e-mail or phone call today about the fact the whole 1st grade class was chanting Hooker because of something Paige said......

Someone revoke my mom card please....

My 3 Obsessions

Alright, I caved and I got one of those Tumblr accounts all the kids have these days. Never heard of them? Oh don't worry, I wouldn't have the slightest clue if I hadn't seen links on Twitter all day every day. Don't know what Twitter is? Better you just go home.

This new account is good for you, and you can find out why by looking just slightly up, no not that far....not over the computer....see the tabs I now have....okay click on My 3 Obsessions. WAIT! Not yet. Finish reading this first.....okay go ahead.

I Have Been Inspired...

Okay, not so much, more like I was reminded that I haven't posted about something that I was intending to post about. The wondrous "rkmama" who writes the blog My Super Kaduper Life (PS check it out she is my idol - if you like my dribble, she will make you laugh twice as hard! And she uses grammar and punctuation properly!) has begged and pleaded, NAY! She has DEMANDED I write about the Hunger Games.

Yea, so that didn't happen either but whatever. I'm blogging about something which means no one can complain I stopped...ANYWAY - The Hunger Games book series it is...

You would think that between Supernatural, Twilight, Harry Potter, My children, my husband (not necessarily in that order..... no seriously...come on..... I like Twilight WAY more then Supernatural....oh...shit....) I wouldn't have any more room in my little brain for another obsession....well, you my friend are wrong.

The Hunger Games book series by Suzanne Collins has wedged it way in there near the top right between Twilight and Supernatural. The coolest thing is I get to be apart of all of the "book love"! And no that's not some weird form of sex with books....book-a-phelia....okay now that's just wrong and I'm off track...."book love" is all that fun you have discussing and wondering about what will happen when said books become movies. When you are apart of the group of people who loved it before some hottie was in the lead roll and it was making millions at the box office. The Hunger Games is set to be made into a movie in 2013.

*CHOIR OF ANGELS*

Oddly, I was just dragging about the house in my I Heart Vampires t-shirt toting my copy of Deathly Hallows not 2 months ago horribly distraught over the fact that both Twilight and Harry Potter would be ending in 2013 and what , OH SWEET GOD WHAT would I do then!? Then POOF like a gift from the Obsession Fairy this blessed little trilogy has landed in my lap.

*Content sigh*

Sure I could just devote my life to my children and husband, and learning how to cook something with out burning it but really what kind of example would I be setting if I wasn't following through with my hard core obsession. My children would see me as a failure. Sure they would be better fed, but really. I have priorities.

She Shoots, She Scores....She gets a New Toy??

Sometime around high school I began to dislike organized sports. I didn't want to participate in them, I didn't like the cliques they made in my particular school and I thought that the parents were...well let's hold off on that group of colorful words for right now.

It stands to reason, since I dislike organized sports that I wasn't exactly rushing to the athletic department to sign Paige up the second she was old enough to kick a soccer ball. (I didn't need to, her dad did) Now, all my personal issues with organized sports aside, I do like that she's learning to work as a team and know the sense of accomplishment that you can really only learn from sports. Plus, I've made sure to encourage her both when she's doing really well and when she's not doing so great. Let's face it the kid is so sensitive if an ant got trampled during the game she'd burst into tears for a week, last thing I need is for her to think she's failed me because she couldn't get the ball away from the monster sized girl on the opposing team (seriously, I think some of these kids have fudged birth certificates because I'm fairly sure I saw that one at the bar last week....)

I have categorized the parents I have encountered at these games into 3 neat little sections....there is first the group that I am in:

The "Encouraging Parent" - These parents are never upset their children lose or miss a shot. We praise them after every game and time in on the field. Always point out the positive of the bad situation and encourage them by reminding him or her that the harder they try the better they will do, practice makes perfect and all that other happy, cliche type stuff...(I also like to call this "The Worlds Most Perfect Parent" but that makes me seem obnoxious....)

Then there's the

"Meh Parent" this one shows up but is more then likely on a business call the whole time or working on a lap top or iPhone. The only people cheering on their child are the other parents around them. Taking their kid to the game is the equivilant of walking the dog....just another chore that gets in the way of work.

As much as I hate those types, there are not many that I see - instead we are over run with the absolute most lithesome parent of them all.

The "My Kids an Olympic Star At The Age Of Six" parent. This mom or dad (or worse, for the love of GOD - both) yell and cheer louder then any other parent, which wouldn't be a bad thing if it wasn't phrases like "knock her down", "rip her head off" and other things that make the thought of a lion ripping the head off a gazelle pop into mind. This parent will do ANYTHING to get their kid on the field more and to make their kid try even harder....case in point...last game I was at parents were BRIBING their children to score goals, and were actually proud of themselves for coming up with this brilliant idea. The goal itself was not enough of a reward, the pride and joy you feel when you achieve that - no, no this child also requires new zu zu pet or baribe for each goal....

If your ever curious where those obnoxious, cocky, think they piss glitter and the world revolves around them people come from....look no further then these parents.

These are the people I don't want my daughter to hang out with, let alone become. So I take mental note...remember which mom has a crazy competitive streak and keep Paige from going over to their houses. I don't need an unfortunate Hi Ho Cherry Oh! incident to ruin Paige's ability have fun for the rest of her life. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against self confidence and a healthy dose of competitiveness - but these are the parents that get into fights into stands and stab other parents with hockey skates (do you remember that story from like 10 years ago!?) and I don't believe there is a place for this in CHILDREN'S or HIGH SCHOOL sports.

I'm proud to say that I am proud of my child no matter what the outcome of the game is. Nd I really wish more parents were like that.

There Are No Words....

I had a different, equally sarcastic and disturbing blog to post today, until my sister called and asked if I had heard the newest fashion craze for adults this Halloween. I like to think I'm hip, I'm with it, I'm down with the kids....but this I had not heard of. Infact I'm having trouble getting the horriblness out of my mind as you read.....

I figured, before she even told me what it was, that it was going to be really dumb, I would laugh then forget about it. Intsead what she told me was a Bloggers dream come true. Something SO stupid, ignoring it would be going against the code of sarcastic writers everywhere!

Ladies and gentlemen I give you the Halloween craze of 2010 for adults everywhere.....

Sexy Sesame Street!

Do the people who make this crap realize they are sexualizing the last tiny bit of innocence our children have left in this world?

Are they assuming Sesame Street falls on A CORNER!

And when they finished that first Big Bird costume did they all go - "Nothing screams OMG you're so hot like a huge stuffed bird head"?

The ONLY thing I can imagine this being good for is if there is Muppet Fetish group out there - they are seriously in heaven!

I give this a GIGANTIC thumbs down! My brain hurts from trying to understand what this market group was thinking.....where the advil.....

A Few Short Clips:

I tend to take a lot of useless video now that I have an iPhone that allows it, so here's a few cute, and short videos of Ellie and how she dances....unfortuantly we can't get her to do it for more then a minute so like I said - the clips are short....

Remembering 30 - The Bobby Long Files

For my first installment of Remembering 30 I give you - The Bobby Long Files

My sister in law called me last October to tell me that Bobby Long was coming back to town the following November and that he would be staying with my in-laws for one or two of the nights he was in town.

Now, I'm used to knowing where he's staying because some good friends of mine used to house him and Phil while he was here, but hearing that he was staying with my in laws left me a little shocked. I had only briefly met Bobby and a small gathering after his show the previous September in MN, same as my sister in law so it was odd to have this information in my head to process....how it happened to this day I'm still not entirely sure.


So, November rolls around Bobby and Phil are in town, and we head to my in-laws with baby Ellie to have breakfast with everyone and so I can make some sausage rolls for the boys. Phil was especially excited about these! I however was terrified because I had never made them before and the night before this, at Sam Bradly's show I told Phil and Bobby I would make them....now I'm not the worst cook, but you would never find me on the Food Network either...so needless to say I was praying all the while they would be edible! Last thing I needed to do was make Bobby ill from my cooking before his show and be the reason it was canceled. *cue angry mob, light torches....*

Just before I got started on the cooking, my favorite moment of the whole weekend happned. I was sitting talking to Bobby, holding my daughter Ellie and Bobby asked if he "could get a hold of her", then sat around talking to her for 20 minutes and even took a phone call saying only "I'm going to have to let you go, I'm holding a baby" and click - hangs up phone. The phone call was especially funny because he had to stand up to get his phone out of his pocket and he had to do this holding Ellie and looking a bit terrified he might drop her, but was pretty happy with himself when he managed it all just fine.
All the while, Ellie sat perfectly content, but then again until this time in her life all she ever heard to calm her was Bobby's music, it was all that worked. She could have been screaming bloody murder, you put on Dead and Done and she's in a trance! Something tells me she knew he was the man with the voice.

After all the baby holding, everyone headed to my sister in laws for a promised "red neck" good time (LOL!) A little 4 wheeling, gun shooting and Coors Light in the back 40 at my sister in laws land. I hung back at the in laws to finish up the sausage rolls, but when I arrived Bobby was pulling up to the house on the 4 wheeler dressed like Elmar Fudd. No, seriously....he was in a red flannel jacket and hat with those ear flap things on it...now that would have been fine if he didn't match it with those fancy brown leather shoes he's always wearing and a pair of skinny jeans. I jumped on the back of the 4 wheeler for a ride down to where all the fun was going on and made sure to tell him who I thought he looked like...obviously he didn't take offense as he referenced it at his show that night! LOL

So this was the first awesome thing I got to do after I turned 30, hang out with Bobby and Phil for a couple days. Now if we could just get him to come back to Minnesota so we can enjoy his music live again then everything would be great!

Oh and a little adivce for you - if Phil Taylor every tell yous he's a crap shot with a gun and challenges you....NEVER take it! That boy could shoot a fly off the back of a bird from 200 yards away!

REMEMBER - check back, I'll be doing awesome stories like this up until my birthday in October...in my Remembering 30 series...

Remembering 30 - Intro

About this time last year I was dreading turning 30. Literally crabby, pissy and trying to hide from it in every way possible. The only thing that was making it better was the fact I was throwing the coolest Twilight party ever for it, and even then I refused to call it my 30th...it was just simply "my birthday"

Now that my 30th year is rounding out, I realize I have done more in this year then the past 5 years (possibly 10) all together. So either I have had a really boring life the past 5 (or ten) years or I got to actually do some extraordinary things...(I'm going with the latter one, mostly because it makes me feel like less like a loser)

So in honor of my 30th year, and in an effort to stop thinking about turning another year older in just over a month... I am going to post a series of blogs that covers my favorite things I've gotten to do over the past 365 days - as sort of a count down to my October birthday....so starting tomorrow we will cover everything from Twilighgt, Dawn-Vasions, 4-Wheeling with Bobby Long and a trip to California....and a whole bunch of other things....

Shit - 5 months! Sorry!

Woah, five months since my last post. I really suck at this blogging thing. Don't be shy, go aheadand let me know. I'm really hoping that with school starting and Ellie, walking, running and screaming all the time I will have many more things to talk about that won't put you to sleep at the mere thought of my blog.

Here's an update on us: Paige is 6. Yes, still. I swear it takes a whole year for a birthday to come around. Lame. She has started the first grade and was very excited to know that her teacher was Mr. T. No, not the man with the fro-hawk from the A-Team, sadly. Just another guy with the same name. She really liked him until day 3 of school when he made all his students write in their journals that they hope the Vikings win the upcoming game. Funny to me, Paige's dad - no likey. (I'm still laughing)

I am fully convinced that if I can bottle the energy Ellie has I could be rich. She never stops moving. Unless of course I put on Barney. I know....Barney. I don't like it anymore then you do but when I need nothing more then to get the laundry changed and pee (not at the same time) I will gladly poison my childs mind with that giant gay purple dinosaur!

Ellie has 4, count them 4 teeth. She is 16 months old, and I love her to death but those top two teeth - well let's just say the rest better come in a push them together because you can fly a small airplane through them at the moment. Cute for a baby, and maybe Madonna...not many others can pull it off though...


Alex is the same, working and working...bringing home the bay-con! As for me, well I'm coming up on the end of my 30th year and surely have crammed a lot into the 365 days that filled it. But all those things will have to be other blogs....

(photos taken by and property of http://suzannejean.blogspot.com/)