Saturday, July 4, 2009

How Do You Annoy Thee? Let Me Count The Ways...

I have a dilemma. I'm sure it won't seem as such to most of you but it's a big conundrum to me and I'm really trying hard to sort out what to do.

Here's the deal. I hate movie theaters. I hate loud chewers, annoying laughers, inconsiderate talkers, morons who don't turn off their cell phones, and parents who bring their much to young children into a movie not suited for them, and the jack ass who MUST sit in the seat right in front of me, where my feet are mind you, when the theather is near empty and there are a million other seats to choose from. And that's just the tip of the ice berg for the list of things I can't stand while at the theather...

It can be said that I am an annoyance magnet, I can go into a movie with the best of intentions of sitting as far away from "Smaky McSmackerson" and yet he will find me and take the seat right behind or next to me and chew right in my ear. It never fails!

I also have no filter system. I can not tune it out to save my life. In fact once I know it's there, it's a million times louder then the Dolby surround sound system blaring explosions, music and other sounds. Oh how I am cursed. And to add isult to injury, my "Movie Theather Issues" leave most people I know, scared to go to movies with me. Let's just say I'm not exactly shy about telling you to shut the hell up, or reminding you that this isn't your living room and I didn't pay $10 to listen to you talk about how "Peter told Mary that Sarah said...." SHUT UP! Please *smiles*

Back to topic, the reason this is a big deal is because two movies I have to see and would be pretty much a sin not to view on the big screen are coming out shortly. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince this month and New Moon in November. (Hey you have your cars or aliens...I have Vampries and Wizards...don't judge!)

Harry Potter I think I can get through with out too much trouble, but the droves of screaming 15 year old girls who honestly believe Edward is real, might make me drop kick someone at the New Moon viewing. I'm considering bringing a tazer and bottle of mace to help me get my point acrooss and hopefully I'll only have to hurt one or two teenagers to get the rest to shut up. Now don't get me wrong, I am as much of a Twerd as the 15 year old I would be pummeling with a bag of licorice, but I am smart enough to understand the difference between real life and fiction.

I've considered having Alex take a day off work to come see Twilight with me at a 10 am showing, a time when all teenagers are still in bed afraid rising at such and early hour will automatically turn them into a hidious beast or something. He, however doens't see the release of the second installment of my greatest obsession as cause to use a vacation day. Boys. Sigh.

I'm still not quite sure how to accomplish enjoying these long awaited films with out being rigid with the desire to strangle a pre-teen, but I'll have to think of something or be forced to wait until the DVD relase.

3 comments:

disenchanted said...

i thought i was bad with cinemas but you, it seems, are infinitley worse... if we did live closer, i would go see both with you...

rkmama said...

You are so funny. I love going to movies but hate that the idiots come out in droves for them. Nothing, NOTHING will get in my way of Harry Potter but I think I'll hold off on New Moon for the first 3-4 weeks, so there aren't as many hyper tweens and hormonal teens. Good luck!

Neverland Scraps said...

Okay Im with you on the abnoxious people. My 7-year old is just as bad. She hates it when people talk during the movie and will complain loudly enough so they hear she's not happy! Maybe you should take her with you the next time you go, but then you'd be the parent with the much-too-young child in the theater watching Harry Potty or Twilight!! :D

With that said, we (my mom and I) took my nephew (who is 17) to see Harry Potter. It was a good movie and wow am I thankful I didn't take my 7-year old like I was told to take! There was one scary part that we all (everyone in the theater) jumped and screamed! Come to think about it several days later, it was quite humorous to see grown adults jump and scream during a movie!

I hope you are able to figure out a time when you get in to see these movies.