It amazes me sometimes, the morons that are allowed to have a license. Since I won't ever be able to get the rest of the ding dong's off the road, and the State of Minnesota turned down my application for an "Amber Only Road" system, I instead am left making this list of helpful tips for the driving impaired.
1. Dear Mom of 19 driving the mini van, it's not a tank. You hurt yourself and the ones in your vehicle if you don't pay attention to the road in front of you. Stop yelling at your kids, they don't listen to you when they are not in the car, what makes you think they will listen to you now? Buy a fly swatter to better reach them, smack them at a stoplight with it and move on.
2. Dear Jack Ass going 95 in a 60. It is not ok to flick me off because I checked my mirrors and properly merged into the lane you were speeding up behind me in. I can't see 2 miles behind me. Try driving at least somewhat near the speed limit or go around me.
3. Dear 100 year old couple driving in your Lincoln. I know that the years have weathered on your eyes, but I doubt very much you reading abilities have withered away too. 20 is not the new 30. Go the speed limit or go home.
4. Dear Unprepared Driver looking for an address or turn off...BRING A MAP, get a GPS or at least look at a map before you leave home. Contrary to popular belief slamming on your brakes at every single turn off to read the street signs, or to see if you remember that road is not fun for the line of cars growing behind you.
5. Dear Loser who thinks they are above the laws of driving, it's called a blinker. Using it suddenly as you make your turn does not constitute actually properly using it. And it doesn't help the person(s) behind you.
6. Dear Teenager with crap car - buy a muffler and stop putting so much money into your stupid stereo or I will find your car, and stab those sub woofers with a screw driver until they are usable no longer.